With retro 50s hairstyles and tight aprons, the influencers tradwives occupied space on the internet.
These traditional wives, who show 30-second video content of how to make homemade bread and other glimpses of how to make the home perfect, are not ordinary stay-at-home moms. They strongly believe in traditional gender roles. This means remaining dedicated to housework and caring for children and being subservient to their husbands, who work.
Enitza Templeton of Littleton, Colorado, has embodied the lifestyle of a traditional woman for 10 years. At four in the morning, she would start making bread and preparing the day’s meals – always from scratch. This mother of four did all the household chores, while her husband focused exclusively on supporting the family.
Now, after escaping a life that was “miserable” and “unsatisfying”, Enitza shares her story with her loved ones. followers on social media It is podcast listeners – to help other women who find themselves in a similar situation and want a new life.
“Social media can make everything look really beautiful, because it’s a 30-second clip, but 30 decontextualized seconds of 10 years really omit a lot of the lack of beauty in these relationships,” he stresses.
Enitza, now 41, says she was raised as an evangelical Christian, believing that her husband had authority over his wife. But today, she is a divorced mother by choice and advocates for women who want to break free from a relationship dynamic that can easily create an extreme power imbalance.
The world of traditional wives
Housewife influencers romanticize and glamorize the period before and just after World War II. A time when most women were housewives. Some traditional wives also speak out against the feminist movement, believing that only men should be in the workplace, while women should focus on home life.
As with any relationship, the traditional wife arrangement does not always result in a happy couple without family problems. Enitza Templeton felt that daily household chores were designed to distract her from her lack of autonomy and independence and the pressure to be perfect was weighing on her shoulders.
Shortly after Enitza got married at age 26, she had her first child and left her job to become a full-time housewife. (Courtesy Enitza Templeton)
“There are people in traditional marriages who are happy. Absolutely happy,” he says Christine Borzumato-Gainey, counselor and adjunct professor in the department of human services at Elon University in North Carolina. “It’s a really high-risk situation where someone can get lost and feel overwhelmed by their roles and feel like they’re not treated with respect or appreciated by their partner, who is fully responsible for finances and other important decisions.”
In the world of traditional wives, the husband has the authority when it comes to financial choices. But control can go even further, as some women cannot leave the house without permission and, in some relationships, punishments are imposed. The agreement leaves room for financial abuse, keeping all the money and power over the other person’s head, and emotional abuse, which leads one partner to lose self-determination and confidence, analyzes Suzanne Degges-White, licensed counselor, teacher and director of the department of counseling and higher education at Northern Illinois University in DeKalb, Illinois.
“This can give the partner doing the work a lot of power. … It must be a sharing partnership”, he says Suzanne Degges-White. “We should all be encouraged to have that sense of self-determination – meaning that we can be active and take control of our lives and can do whatever it takes to contribute to the greater good.”
At 24, Enitza Templeton began to feel the pressure of needing to get married as soon as possible. Shortly after getting married at age 26, she had her first child and quit her job to become a full-time housewife.
“I was living my life on autopilot because I thought that was what should be done. And I thought that happiness in my life would begin at that time”, says Enitza.
She, who always wanted to be a mother, still felt empty and alone after the birth of her first child. “I started thinking, ‘Ah… maybe more kids. I’m just not mother enough. I just need more kids to really flex my motherhood muscles and then I’ll be completely satisfied.”
Enitza Templeton’s eldest son is just six years older than her youngest. But she still didn’t feel fulfilled and communication in her marriage was declining. She sought support from a therapist, who helped her realize that her relationship was “considered wrong.”
“Whenever something is romanticized, we have to really question whether it exists in reality. … You are, in effect, taking a risk and hoping that the other person has your best intentions in mind. You are abdicating that responsibility for yourself”, warns Christine Borzumato-Gainey.
Precautions to take
When Enitza realized that her relationship was making her unhappy, she began taking steps that would help her be independent after the divorce. She got a job – despite a 10-year gap in her resume – and got her finances in order so she could take care of herself and her four children.
It was scary starting over at age 37, she admits, but after receiving help from food stamps and getting a job at her children’s school, Enitza began to realize that her expenses had actually decreased, now that the only source of income was for herself alone. and their four children.
When she left traditional marriage, it was an instant relief, she says. Enitza’s advice for other women still in this lifestyle is to think back to when they were little girls and ask themselves if this is really what they wanted to do for their entire lives.
“We don’t want our entire identity to be wrapped up in anything. We want a diverse identity,” says Kelly Campbell, interim vice chancellor and co-chief diversity officer at California State University, San Bernardino. “It’s good to have a loving relationship from which we get so much satisfaction, but we can’t lose our own identity because of that relationship.”
It’s important to maintain strong relationships with friends and family so there’s a support system in place if the marriage doesn’t work out, says Kelly Campbell. Many traditional wife influencers say they don’t see the need to have a backup plan, but it’s crucial to have at least an idea of how one could earn one’s income if the situation were to change unexpectedly, says Enitza Templeton.
“You need to make sure that the stay-at-home partner still has some balance in their life and remembers who they are as a person – and is able to pursue passions that they are interested in, that aren’t just the other person’s passions. element of the couple”, warns Kelly Campbell, former psychology professor, who taught classes on interpersonal relationships and gender.
Keeping communication open between partners and setting clear boundaries and expectations for the relationship can also help, adds Christine Borzumato-Gainey.
How to live a happy ‘housewife’ style
Alexia Delarosa currently lives the ‘housewife’ lifestyle. Although she does not label herself as a business wife, people often associate her with the description of traditional domestic life that sharing on social media – and she doesn’t correct them.
Alexia currently happily embraces the traditional lifestyle – her husband works, while she stays at home with the children. But she doesn’t think the lifestyle is for everyone.
“I don’t believe there is one way to live or one way family dynamics should work,” he says, adding that “every family is different.”
Alexia Delarosa always knew she wanted to be a mother, and as she got older, she began to have a vision of that lifestyle in her head: “I wanted to be the one at home with them. And… you know… doing all those cooking activities and all that good stuff. It was always a plan. And luckily, it worked for my family.”
Her advice for women who want a similar lifestyle or who are currently in that lifestyle is to ensure that both partners have aligned goals and visions and talk, from the beginning, about what is expected.
For those who live the lifestyle tradwifeit’s important not to put too much pressure on yourself and also thank your partner, while asking for help when necessary, she advises.
“Not everything is always perfect. And it’s easy to make it appear that way on social media”, recognizes Alexia Delarosa. “I definitely have high standards for myself and how I want my day to go, how I want things to be done and how I want things to look. So I try to achieve that vision for myself. But if I don’t hit the target every time, that won’t be the end of the world either.”
Alexia earns separate income from her social media accounts, but when it comes to the need for a back-up plan, she says it depends on the relationship and the situation: “Everyone just needs to look at their own situation and know what that is necessary for you.”
Whether you identify as a traditional wife or a feminist, there is no right way to live, says Alexia. “This is what I personally do and what works for our family and I love it. And if you don’t agree, that’s okay. And if you love it, then awesome. We have something in common”.
Place on a pedestal
Although Enitza Templeton was raised to believe in the traditional wife’s lifestyle, she makes sure her daughters grow up knowing they have a choice and promotes conversations about careers they might be interested in when they are older.
Enitza believes it is important for children to see that their mother is not always perfect and often shares this message and other motherhood advice on her podcast “Emerging Motherhood”.
“Putting mothers on this pedestal of perfection is harmful to everyone. Literally, for the whole world. Because when your mother falls – because she will fall. She is human – you will be very hurt to see her fall from so high,” she says.
When Enitza posted about her experience on TikTok in January, her video went viral, reaching more than 2 million views. The video received comments from other people who had a similar experience — “I graduated before I had my son. And thank God! Yes, because he left me too”, commented one user. “The life of tradwifenow divorced, rebuilding myself with my six [filhos]”, commented another.
Since then, Enitza Templeton has made several videos in which she answers questions about life as a traditional wife and how she left it, while her podcast focuses on advice for single mothers.
“I do it to inspire other people, but I also do it because so many people continue to inspire me to keep doing this,” says Enitza Templeton. “It’s been my saving grace.”
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