Doctor reveals difference between what adults and children see shortly before death | Stay in

Death is a taboo for many people. And while some simply ignore it, for others it is part of everyday life, as is the case with palliative care doctors, whose job is to improve the quality of life and reassure patients who have little time left. In fact, for one of these doctors, this little-talked about subject became a topic of study, and he recently revealed the differences between how adults and children experience and understand death.

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Speaking on the Next Level Soul podcast, end-of-life care physician Christopher Kerr spoke about his experiences and how children and adults process death in unique ways. Kerr, whose work was published in a recent book called Death Is But a Dream: Finding Hope and Meaning at Life’s End, has seen and watched all of her patients die.

He believes that what we imagine, dream and “see” as we die is part of the human experience and journey. It’s how we try to make sense of our lives in our final moments. He conducted a study of 1,500 palliative care patients and the results are fascinating, Metro reported.

Adults x death

In his experience, he says that adults who are dying tend to recall their lives and experiences in the form of dreams or daydreams, reliving important experiences and imagining themselves talking to important people in their lives. Mostly, these fantasies show the person connecting or reconnecting in a way that allows them to relive positive experiences they have had. But sometimes a person approaching the end of life imagines a cathartic absolution, a forgiveness of sins, crimes, or mistakes. “Patients don’t deny the bad, painful things that happen,” he said. “They try to approach them and use them in a very interesting way,” he said.

In the podcast, the doctor talks emotionally about a patient who was involved in the Normandy landings, during the Second World War, when he was just a teenager. Like so many others, it had a huge impact on him and his psyche, but it was something he never fully confronted or processed. As such, the man has lived with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) for virtually his entire life without seeking any help. “He came to our unit at the end of his life, he was having horrible experiences where he was seeing body parts, bloody water and screaming and he couldn’t rest,” Kerr said. “Patients need to be relaxed and accept their situation, to a certain extent, in order to die,” he said.

The Normandy veteran came in having trouble sleeping. But one day, after getting a night’s sleep, the doctor asked him if he had dreamed. “He said, ‘I had a big dream where I relived the best day of my life,’ which was the day he received his discharge papers,” said the doctor. “He had a really good dream, probably in Normandy, and a soldier he didn’t know came up to him and said, ‘Let’s go get him,'” he says. The doctor saw a remarkable expression of relief and relief on the man’s face. Soon after, he fell into a deep sleep and passed away peacefully.

Elderly people who are in the process of dying will often find themselves meeting and talking to people they loved and were close to in their lives. It is something that fills them with peace. They replay moving memories, memorable events and moments when they were happiest, the doctor explained.

Children x death

So how does the adult experience of death differ from what a child sees and feels when they die? The idea of ​​children dying is obviously an extremely disturbing concept. However, if there is any consolation, it comes from the doctor and his experience of how children experience the onset of death. He says that children experience death very differently from adults. They are often less afraid, as they begin the process without having had a lifetime of fear and anxiety around death, like adults.

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Most younger children cannot really appreciate the severity of the end of their mortality and are not fully aware of its finality. They also don’t usually have the idea of ​​“finding someone who died”, as they are too young to have lost a beloved family member. Instead, says Dr. Kerr, children often dream or imagine beloved animals or pets that “send the message that they are loved and not alone.” He adds: “Children are creative and imaginative and can access that part of themselves.”

Recalling a vision a sick girl had while on her deathbed, Kerr remembers that because she had few strong, positive memories from which to draw inspiration, she invented her own. “She created a castle for herself,” he said. “There was a pool, animals and a piano. There was a window with warm light coming in… When I asked, ‘What does the castle represent?’, she said, ‘A safe place,'” he concluded.